The Huntingdon Life Sciences Recruitment Email

The following email was received from South Africa found at: www.huntingdonsucks.com/recruitmentemail.html

Dear Sirs,

Huntingdon Life Sciences are a licensed contract research organisation for the pharmaceutical and agrochemicals industries and as such are subject to abuse and harassment from so called “animal rights” groups. Our recruitment mailbox has received these unsolicited, abusive and harassing emails from one of your customers (according to their website the mails are from someone who appears to be their IT Manager).

We request you take action against this organisation for infringement of your acceptable use policies. Some of their directors are copied on this mail, but as the apparent culprit is the IT Manager this mail may not reach them.

Yours sincerely,

IT Support Services Manager.
Huntingdon Life Sciences.

Job Application to Huntingdon Life Sciences:

Hi

I have not yet had a reply from you as regards my Job Application (ref: email below)

Upon reading it a second time I realised that you might have found the abuse of my family a disturbing personal trait of mine. I’d like to let you know that as long as I’m totally absorbed in my job and am able to receive sufficient fulfillment from my cruelty towards innocent creatures, I tend to notice a sharp decrease in the abuse towards my family. The Social Worker who deals with my case has pointed out that maiming 15 creatures = 1 act of family abuse.

Obviously based on this ratio, I’ll be able to transfer my daily family abuse (wife and daughter included) into 600 animal abuse cases and that excludes overtime!!!
Hell, I’ll even work the first month for free, just to show your business that I have what it takes to be a ‘Company Man’!]

Please let me know ASAP what I need to be granted an interview (I’ll even be prepared to send some photos of my 2-for-the-price-of-1 holiday to Israel, where for every one primate we killed in their breeding labs we got to detonate a ‘mystery’ suicide bomber in the streets of Tel Aviv – what a rush!!! – I walked away with the ‘Holiday Cruelty and Genocide Award’ for the 4th year in a row.)
I’d even be prepared to let your company display my trophy in your main reception area – an intricately carved sculpture using a chimpanzee skull and assorted Israeli body-parts (we all know that those suicide bombers do a through job!!)

P.S. My wife is expecting twins in December (God knows how she managed after that last insane bout of fury when I kicked 8 of her ribs in) – I was unemployed at the time, so I’m under even more pressure than before to get ‘involved’ in my work before she has yet another miscarriage…

Just remember…if you are looking for a professional toxicologist that fits your company’s profile and culture, I’m your man – show me to the Killing Fields!!

Regards,
BD.

Original Job Application: Job Code: MH/TOX

To whom it may concern:

Please let me know if this exciting job would let me help you maim, torture and kill your target of 500 innocent creatures of God’s creation on a daily basis.
Do you provide any incentives for reaching my quota of dead/maimed animals? Would I be offered a bonus on a monthly or quarterly basis? I’d preferably like to be involved in your nauseating environment where the absence of any conscience is a prerequisite and continued pursuit of profit is held above any long-forgotten moral and ethical considerations. I’d be particularly thrilled if you could pay me large sums of money to inflict the most shocking pain on creatures for no conceivable reason or scientific basis.

Further, if I could be involved in one of your project’s where humans suffer irreparable harm after using the products you ‘expertly’ assisted in developing, my life long goal of being abomination to the very world which I am suppose to coexist with will be complete.

Please could you reply as soon as possible, as I have been offered positions at Shell and Bayer, and they are really keen for me to start maiming their beautiful cats, dogs and rare primates as well.

PS: At my previous job I was allowed to take home an animal of my choice daily so that I could torture if after hours as well, being the ‘workaholic’ that I am. Do you have an ‘animal rotation’ schedule like this? You needn’t worry about receiving bad press by me taking animals home as my battered wife and frequently-raped daughter understand my ‘alternative’ urges to inflict pain and display my warped sense of power over those that are unable to protect themselves.

Regards,

BD.